Advice for Mitt
I have been asked more than a few times, as a pastor in a liberal church with evangelical pretenses, my opinion of Mitt Romney and his “Mormonism”.
Well, I have thought a little about this and I have come to one conclusion. Gov. Romney should join the Democrat Party.
Here are some of my thoughts:
1. Most people in America do not know the first thing about Mormonism. This works both against Romney in conservative circles and for him in liberal ones.
It works against him among staunch Christians whom he needs to win over just to get a chance at the big chair in November ‘08. Most practicing, reasonable knowledgeable Christians still know little or nothing about Mormonism. What they do know is that they are “not like us”, “don’t believe what we believe”, “pervert the faith”, and so on. Without knowing about Mormonism, most Christians think it’s creepy at best.
As for liberals of a more secular nature, most probably think a Mormon is an immigrant The Republic of Mormonia, somewhere near the Balkans. Those who actually know a Mormon is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints, probably think that outfit is no more or less evil than any other brand of Christian. At best it is a gain for him, and worse it effects him not at all. I can only believe that this is how Senate Dem leader Harry Reid slipped by.
2. Being different has not often been a boon in Republican circles. Just ask Steve Forbes, Barry Goldwater, or that Kermit the Frog wannabe Gary Baur. No, the more normal, defined, and “like-the-rest-o-‘em” you are, the better. Lots of liberals, on the other hand, love to show off the minority in the family. Having someone a little different around just shows the other ladies at the cocktail party how truly liberal and inclusive you really are while you sip your gin and juice. Having a devout Mormon and Republican who once argued for civil unions, gun control, and immigration reform at the head of a Democrat tickets would make us feel so bloody superior we would run in droves to vote for him.
3. Republicans have a tendency to get bored when people start speaking about being oppressed, or victimized, or marginalized in anyway. After all, no master likes to hear what the slaves say in the pantry all by themselves. Republicans do not care what oppressed group Jesse Jackson has had a heretofore unacknowledged lifetime interest in this week. The Republican motto has always been: “Suck it up and act like a man.” Even if you are a woman. Democrats on the other hand love marginalized people. Blacks, women, Latinos, GLBTs, you name it. The Democrats love you and want to work for you. Well, what about the most select and never before represented group in history: multi-millionaire straight white fundamentalist men religiously persecuted as atheists by liberal Black preachers. Man, that’s so twisted and mean, no one even thought it up until “Diamond Al” came along. Mitt, only the Dems can truly know your pain.
4. But the best reason to join the Democrats is the simplest. Republicans don’t believe in God but like to talk about nothing other than God while using their pseudo faith to beat down whoever they don’t like this week. Democrats actually go to church but do not like to bring their faith into the voting booth. Romney has been asking people to do just that. Acknowledge him as a person of faith and know that he is not the same as his church when he’s in a governor’s mansion or, maybe one day, the oval office. Mitt, I’ll see you in Denver next August!
